Yup. He walked right past my son and I in the store and said a meek, “Hello”. The guy who knew full well what he was doing to all the women he effected, the man who took advantage of his position, took advantage of several women in his care (several never came forward)…..the man who made me question my sanity, made me question my ability to do any job, the one who made me feel so insignificant by his actions…….that guy. Cresfield “Cres” Moody, formerly a family nurse practitioner.
Seriously. Why? What was the point? To play me another time? To get a rise out of me?? He knew full well I was one of the people who spoke to the Arizona board of nursing, adding to their case resulting in him surrendering his nursing licence.
What angered me further was the fact that I couldn’t simply walk past and ignore him. Nope. That well conditioned response of not rocking the boat kicked in. I turned and gave a paltry “hello” after I passed.
Really?! I felt instantly nauseous. I couldn’t focus and I started walking randomly down aisles. My son wanted to look at something in the area where I’d seen Cres heading. I decided to avoid seeing him again and chose to browse/hide in woman’s wear, pretending to shop.
Why the hell am I hiding?! I did nothing wrong and yet here I am, feeling sick at the whole situation. I don’t wish anything bad on him, I just wish to never see or speak to him again. Ever.
Try as I may, I don’t think I can fully put into words how being sexually harassed effected me. I lost confidence in myself. Shame silenced me and it did for years. Another person’s will was imposed upon me and I felt insignificant and powerless. I felt as if no one would believe me, I was a nobody, right? “Just” his receptionist and “only” a nursing assistant. He was a well respected member of the community, a leader in his church and of much higher rank and importance than I……or so I thought at the time. I was more concerned about the impact my speaking up would have on his wife and his family. I was more concerned for him and his livelihood than I was for myself….all because I didn’t realize my worth.
I’m not “just” or “only” anything. I know my worth and it is OK if I’m not polite. Next time, I will let silence speak for me and hold my head up.