Silver, Black and Blue

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For some reason, all of my paintings lately have an element of blue, black and silver. When another whooshing, windswept painting with blue tones was born, it got me thinking. Why all the blue? What is the connection? I’m great at analyzing when it comes to others but life I’m a bit blind sometimes when it comes to analyzing myself. I need help in this area. That is why I see a therapist! I fully want to own my shit, I just need help with my blind spots. Therapy is great for shining a light on the areas of yourself you cannot see or do not want to acknowledge. The latter seems to be where I am at the moment.

Over the weekend, I was chatting with a music artist & producer from Dublin. His name is Double Screen. I connected to his music and I was curious about his creative process. We chatted back and forth a bit over the weekend and it was really nice to chat with someone about their art. I listened to one of his recent interviews (show #4) and he mentioned assigning colors to his tracks, based on how he felt. He said his latest EP felt like the color green. He mentioned feeling more confident and more tapped in emotionally with his most recent work. His comment resonated with me. It reminded me of the green representing the heart Chakra. It also made me so happy to hear a musician talk about colors & emotions in connection to music.

When I first started painting, I was instructed to sit quietly and let the colors come to me. I was told to use what ever color that I was drawn to or use what felt “right”. In the beginning, I just rolled with whatever came to me. I’d be drawn to bright, bold colors because me emotions were very raw at the time. My art reflected what was happening internally. After I would experience a stressful situation (like a tense work meeting), I was drawn to much darker colors. It got to where the day after meetings could almost guarantee a painting with dark greens, black and browns.

Lately, I feel disconnected from my feelings, almost as if I am protecting myself from having my heart torn apart. My head wants to dive deep and sort through the muck by my heat is shitting bricks at the thought. Quite a frustrating conundrum when one is in therapy and they’re meant to talk about their emotions.

The color indigo represents the third eye Chakra which is our intuition. Here’s a bit of insight from the long text I found: “The color indigo is the color of intuition and perception and is helpful in opening the third eye. It promotes deep concentration during times of introspection and meditation, helping you achieve deeper levels of consciousness. It is a color which relates to the “New Age” – the ability to use the Higher Mind to see beyond the normal senses with great powers of perception. It relies on intuition rather than gut feeling.” Interesting. This article went on to explain indigo’s good and bad characteristics. I was able to draw some parallels from both sides of the coin and my recent art pieces were starting to make sense.

The color silver was interesting to read. I was most taken with this paragraph: “From a color psychology viewpoint, it (silver) signals a time of reflection and a change of direction as it illuminates the way forward. It helps with the cleansing and releasing of mental, physical and emotional issues and blockages as it opens new doors and lights the way to the future.” Now we’re getting somewhere! Bring on more silver!

Now we come to the color (or lack of color) black. The opening paragraph for black is this: “The color black relates to the hidden, the secretive and the unknown, and as a result it creates an air of mystery. It keeps things bottled up inside, hidden from the world. In color psychology this color gives protection from external emotional stress.” Boom. Mind blown. So much going on and so much yet to discover. My mind is indeed protecting my heart. I need to let go of my fear to feel and dive in.

Color psychology is fascinating to me as is psychology in general. Anything which allows me to understand myself or other’s motivations better is a winner. Hopefully things will start to brighten soon, both emotionally and artistically.

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Art: More than dabs of paint.

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I found myself struggling with life since my mom passed back in June (2016) and thought it was necessary to seek help so I returned to therapy. For anyone who has gone through therapy, I’m sure you remember those awkward “getting to know you” sessions. After the third visit, I was starting to lose hope and I felt like I was wasting my therapist’s time. However, on my fourth visit, I started to feel like we were getting into the reason why I was there. It’s a good feeling when you start chipping back the layers. It’s difficult to dig into one’s psyche but knowing hope and happiness can be found certainly makes it motivating. I’ve been happy before. I plan to be happy again, I just need a bit of help finding my way right now.

At my last session, I was challenged to express what was going on inside by writing a letter. That seemed like a reasonable place to start, since I do a bit of writing. I haven’t taken a quiet moment to do this task just yet but I will. I did have a vision of a painting idea when we were chatting. I came home and decided to paint since I hadn’t done that in a few months.

The image I wanted to paint was that of a woman in a long, white dressing gown. She was walking through a dark wood towards a bright light (representing hope). As she walked through the wood, a dark tar-like substance clung to and ran down the lower half of her dressing gown. The tar-like substance represented the energy/ideas/old mindset of the past from which she was fleeing. It’s a great image and it excites my heart to imaging it as I describe it here. When I went to paint this image, it did not manifest. This happens often when I paint and it’s quite frustrating especially when I have such a clear picture in my head. I want to try and create my original idea because it felt very powerful.

Pictured above is the painting which was born. I like it in that there is movement. Action makes me feel hopeful. To be stagnant and unchanged feels like a slow death. In this painting, the dark left corner (for me) represents the sludge I need to escape. The brighter silver at the right top corner represents my “goal” of a more fulfilled, happier self. This also looks a bit like water. Water scares me and it has ever since I had children. Water is fluid as are emotions & energy. My journey makes me feel apprehensive, just like water does so it is fitting. This might be the most philosophical I’ve ever been with a piece of my art! Whenever I can get that original image down on canvas, I’ll share it with the world too.

Thanks for reading and take care of yourself.