**This came to me in the shower, as I prepared for my workday. Sometimes, I sing in the shower. Other times, I channel Dr. Seuss.
Dear Mother Nature, I think you’re a cunt! Mother Nature exclaimed, “Why for and for what?!?!” Today marks the first day of my monthly bleeding. With high emotions, cramps and malaise soon proceeding.
I don’t have time for this nonsense! Could we invent a switch? A switch which keeps me flipping from “princess” to “bitch”?? A switch which magically shuts off the flow. Seriously, I have places to go. I have places to go and better things to do. And why, oh why must my bowels get involved too?!
I have work today and I cannot ditch! To do otherwise would be remiss. Beside my register, I shall sit. I am chained. Held by an invisible chain. Beside my post, I must remain. With bathrooms 10 yards away. I shall clinch my butt cheeks and pray. I pray that I don’t pass gas. I pray my muscle tone will hold fast. Surely this discomfort will not last, that long. Hopefully I am not wrong. I must be strong.