It’s funny how the seemingly smallest of questions can provoke a lot of thought. I started (yet another) new job this month. On my first day, I was asked to list someone as an emergency contact. This is the first time in my life where I’ve been stumped by this question.
By October of this past year, lots had changed. In September, the person who I’d been dating most recently had ended things. My dad moved in October and from that point on, it marked the first time in history that I’d ever lived alone. I’ve gotten used to living alone, just me and my big dog. For whatever reason, being asked to list an emergency contact really made me think about how alone I seem to be. I do have a friend in town who I see occasionally. I still am in contact with my former coworkers via text and social media. The silly thing is, if anything happened to me, I would feel like I was inconveniencing them if I called on them. I started thinking about how, if I got injured or sick, no one would really know about it. If I was unable to call for help myself, no one would really miss me, unless I was supposed to be at work and didn’t show up. Actually, the mean words from that guy I dated rang (re-rang?) in my ears today. “The only reason anyone would be happy to see you was if they were paying you”. What a stupid thing to be reminded of. My mind re-framed his nasty words as “The only reason you’d be missed is if you didn’t show up for the people paying you.” Equally cruel as the first statement. Also unhelpful given my pensive and pessimism prone mindset.
I have been considering getting a bracelet which alerts emergency services, in case I’m in an accident, of the fact my dog is on his own if I don’t come home. I used to think those alert bracelets were just for older people who had no one checking in on them and I felt kind of sad thinking about that. Truth is, lots of people live alone and pets would be left unattended if pet parents didn’t make it home for some reason. So in a bid to not have a meltdown about fact that I’m rather alone here, I’m writing about things to make me feel better. I am also being ever vigilant about staying able bodied and healthy. I do realize I need to take better care of myself so I don’t feel so scared about what “might” happen. I must continue to make better choices for myself and my mental health. Not over thinking this and staying present is something to strive for.
I still have hip/leg pain which has been a thing for a year now. Massage helps temporarily. I was told to take anti-inflammatory meds, which I do, but that’s not a long term solution to whatever is going on. There was an Xray done and everything looks normal. I’ve had no injuries to the area but I feel something is off about my gait, strength or stability. It’s frustrating because I feel, given my (honestly, limited and incomplete) knowledge of kinesiology and the body, that I “should” be able to figure it out, but I can’t. Further investigation is required and I haven’t booked any appointments yet. It’s on my lengthy to-do list.